Should You Still Ask Her Dad Before Proposing?

October 4, 2023

Should You Still Ask Her Dad Before Proposing?

A marriage proposal isn’t just a question—it’s a life-changing moment. But before you drop down on one knee, you might be wondering—should I ask her father for permission first?

It’s a tradition that has been passed down for generations, yet modern relationships look very different from those of the past. While some still see it as a sign of respect, others feel it’s an outdated practice.

So, how do you decide whether to follow this tradition? In this guide, we’ll break down the history, reasons for and against asking for permission, and how to approach the conversation if you choose to do so. Plus, we’ll share some fun and practical wedding and relationship advice, because getting engaged is just the beginning of the adventure!

Table of Contents

1. Introduction

   
   

2. The Tradition of Asking for Permission

   
   

3. Is Asking for Permission Still Relevant Today?

   
   

4. How to Ask for Permission (If You Choose To)

   
   

5. Alternatives to Asking for Permission

   
   

6. What If They Say No?

   
   

7. The Engagement Is Just the Beginning—What Comes Next?

   
   

8. Marriage Survival Tips: The Funny (But True) Side of Marriage

   
   

9. The Best Relationship Advice You’ll Ever Need

   
   

10. Final Thoughts: Should You Ask for Permission or Not?

    
    

11. Planning to Propose Soon?

Where Did the Tradition of Asking for Permission Come From?

Historically, marriage was more of a contractual agreement between families than a romantic union. Fathers had a say in who their daughter married, as it often involved merging wealth, land, and social status. Asking for permission wasn’t just a formality—it was necessary.

Thankfully, times have changed. Women are no longer considered their father’s "property," and marriage is now about love and partnership. But despite this shift, many still choose to honor the tradition as a sign of respect and inclusion.

Should You Ask for Permission?

Key Factors to Consider

There’s no universal right or wrong answer here. It comes down to what feels right for your relationship and family dynamics.

1. Your Partner’s Feelings

Before making any plans, have a conversation with your partner. Some people love the tradition and see it as a sweet gesture, while others find it outdated.

Red flag: If your partner strongly opposes the idea, listen to them! It’s their proposal too.

2. Family Expectations and Traditions

Some families (especially in religious or traditional households) expect the future spouse to seek their blessing. If you know her parents value this tradition, it might be worth considering.

3. Your Relationship with Her Parents

Do you have a good relationship with them? If so, this could be a great bonding moment. If not, or if they’re estranged, then asking might not be appropriate.

How to Ask for Permission (If You Choose To)

If you decide to follow tradition, here’s how to do it with sincerity:

1. Choose the Right Moment

This should be an in-person conversation, if possible. A private dinner or casual coffee meetup works best.

2. Be Respectful but Confident

Instead of saying “Can I marry your daughter?” (which makes it sound like she has no say in the matter), rephrase it as:

"Loving [partner’s name] has been the greatest gift of my life, and I can’t wait to build a future with her.It would mean so much to have your blessing as we take this next step."

3. Acknowledge Their Role

Express appreciation for the way they’ve raised their daughter and how much she means to you.

4. Be Prepared for Questions

They may ask about your future plans, financial stability, or how you’ll handle challenges. Answer honestly.

5. Accept Their Response with Grace

If they say yes—great! If they hesitate, respect their feelings and revisit the conversation later.

Alternatives to Asking for Permission

If traditional permission-seeking doesn’t feel right, here are other ways to involve her family:

1. Ask for Their Blessing Instead

Rather than seeking permission, ask for their support and blessing in your future together.

2. Include Both Parents (or Guardians)

This isn’t the 1800s! If your partner has a close relationship with both parents, involve them both.

3. Involve Them in the Proposal

Consider inviting them to be part of the engagement celebration or proposal planning.

4. Plan a Post-Proposal Family Celebration

Instead of asking beforehand, celebrate together after the proposal.

What If They Say No?

It’s rare, but it happens. If her parents hesitate or decline to give their blessing:

• Stay cool and be kind – No need to argue or get defensive. Just listen, respond calmly, and keep things respectful.

• Listen to their concerns – Are they worried about financial stability? Differences in values?

• Reassure them – Let them know your love and commitment are unwavering.

• Talk to your partner – At the end of the day, your partner’s opinion matters most.

The Engagement Is Just the Beginning—What Comes Next?

Do Wedding Bands Have to Match?

One of the first decisions you’ll make as a couple is choosing wedding rings. But do they have to match? Not at all!

Many couples today opt for different rings based on personal style and comfort. What matters is that your rings represent your unique bond. Matching is optional—commitment is not!

Marriage Survival Tips: The Funny (But True) Side of Marriage

Getting married is exciting, but let’s be honest—it also comes with its fair share of surprises. Here are some funny but real tips for surviving marriage:

1. The TV Remote Is a Power Struggle

Marriage is about compromise. Except when it comes to choosing what to watch on Netflix. That’s a battle you must prepare for.

2. Food = Love (And Arguments)

Never eat the last slice of pizza without asking. Just don’t.

3. Beware of “I Don’t Care”

If your partner says “I don’t care” when you ask what they want to eat, they do care—they just don’t know yet.

4. The Thermostat Is Sacred

You will never agree on the perfect temperature. Accept it.

5. Keep Laughing

No matter what, always find reasons to laugh together.

The Best Relationship Advice You’ll Ever Need ❤️

Marriage isn’t just about the big moments—it’s about the little things. Here are 12 pieces of advice to help your relationship thrive:

1. Never stop dating each other.

   
   

2. Communication is everything—talk about everything.

   
   

3. Give each other space.

   
   

4. Don’t let small arguments ruin your day.

   
   

5. Laugh together daily.

   
   

6. Show appreciation for the little things.

   
   

7. Support each other’s dreams.

   
   

8. Learn each other’s love language.

   
   

9. Keep intimacy alive.

   
   

10. Forgive quickly.

    
    

11. Celebrate wins, big and small.

    
    

12. Always choose love—every single day.

Final Thoughts: Should You Ask for Permission or Not?

At the end of the day, the decision to ask for permission is personal. If your partner values tradition and her family expects it, it may be a great way to strengthen your bond with them. But if it doesn’t align with your values or relationship, there are other meaningful ways to include her family in the proposal.

What matters most is respecting your partner’s wishes and focusing on your future together.

So, whether you ask for permission, seek a blessing, or skip the tradition altogether—make sure your proposal reflects your love story. After all, this is just the beginning of a lifetime of love, laughter, and (inevitable) thermostat wars!

Planning to Propose Soon?

Need help planning the perfect proposal? Let us know in the comments—we’d love to hear your love story! 💕